I was stopped in my tracks.
I suffered both a physical and moral injury, a violation that stepped on my toes and knocked me off my feet.
As I fell backward,
I froze time to reflect on my emotional body. What I saw was a ferocious defense of my wellbeing and the feeling pride that blazed through my heart. I saw a furious indignation, because why should I have to fight for my life? My brave heart also broke and I felt it’s pain. I experienced the retreating that pain can asks of us. If felt the, the shrinking back from connection and recession. I also felt held. Because I was. I called my best friends and family to feed, hug and celebrate me. And they came.
I was spacious as I fell down.
Taking time twice a day to place my legs up my wall as an accompaniment to my Yoga Nidra.
Laying there,
day after day,
admiring my painted toes, rebuilding and redirecting the flows of blood and the lymph …this spaciousness allowed me to interrogate the path I was walking. The moves I was making. In my own way.
Even while immobilized,
my spaciousness allowed me to take action. I gave grace to my body by making warmed Red Drank, an herbal infusion blended with hibiscus to bring down the inflammation. I called on to protect and rebuild my damaged nerves.
As I lay falling,
I flexed my core strength and caught myself.
I reinforced my connection to the earth by building up my practice of strength building. I lifted weights to lift this weight off my shoulders.
As I lay and wait.
I took my body to the river.
The clear, cool water sparking and shimmering as it layed love on my precious Black foot. My lover, layed hands on my precious feet. Right there at the riverside, breathing with me, grieving with me. Focused on me. Right there, at the riverside, my lover and I took in the nourishment of beauty. My own. And that of the world, that is ours and the gods, to share. He drew my attention to the shades of the lichen on a shimmering rock face. We waxed poetics about which expression would or wouldn’t complement my complexion. We drew up new visions for the future. That river becoming a well of knowledge about how to be well in a world that sometimes hurts.
We played and laid in waiting,
enjoying the intermediary.
The future unfolding.
When my very next moves were indeterminate,
I saw that I risked my connection to Earth. Violation risks our connection to the earth. It risks ripping at us or ripping us away from our homes and our families. It risks afropessimism. It risks moral decay. It risks earth care, people care and fair share, gone away.
It puts our beloved community in disarray.
As I layed, awake, and alive,
I was flattened.
Right there, under the Linden tree. Every part of my spine collapsed into the earth like a hug. Thank goodness for my spaciousness. As I hugged into the body of my mamma, our Mother Earth, she hugged into me. I was nourished. Held. And healing rapidly and well.
When I got down. Flat. Flat. Quiet. Shhhh. I received a message from the Earth through the vehicle of my Honest Body.
Auntie Asia’s got a word on her spirit about the true nature and use of sympathy...